Thursday, June 1, 2017

A year later

  When I found out about my diabetes last June. I never in a million years thought that my whole life would have to go through change. Yes , I knew eating habits would change even weight due to meds would, but never did I think it would become a life of change. With me, I know not everyone has this, but a lot do. My liver is struggling, my kidneys are over working and life has changed! At work I have never been the type of person that was resistant to change, that RC factor was around all the time and I always felt like I held on and went with it. Boy OH Boy !  I feel like I have aged 20 yrs in the past year.
I started walking, I really loved it, now I fight to walk, my neuropathy kills my feet and fingers and the walking has become painful. I just want to cry, because I loved it so. My daughter and I were walking every night. My husband was walking with me, I felt like the wind was pushing me forward, now I feel like it's throwing me back, making me bow my head to it every mile I get.
pushing forward
Yesterday I had a liver biopsy, yes they are looking for cancer, it's sad but I will be happy if it comes back cirrhosis of the liver, how sad is that ? To wish something bad over something bad. This has become me...........? I always told myself that I would never let this get me, but I did. I let it take control, take my dreams and even at a point I think I let it take my soul.  I think I even blamed God, hubby and anyone else that came to mind. The only person I didn't blame was me! I'm the one who hadn't taken care of myself. I'm the one who loved the fried chicken and licked those fingers to the bone. I'm the one who after my brain tumor was told to take care of yourself and decided I knew it all and could get over anything just bring it on, I'm the one who people said Sherry I don't think I could take it as well as you, I don't think I could handle this as well as you are. Well, I ain't !!!! I'm worried, I'm sad and at times wish I could just blow away with that wind. but then I look at these.
I'm not adding sunny shine yet, I really just wanted to cry!!!!!!!  and I did.......... a lot.....not the Oh poor poor me kind, but the... where the hell is the girl from last year, where did I leave that person behind......I can't answer it, I don't know. I think she is gone. I really think all this has changed me to the point that the woman from last year has left the building..... Now how do I handle this new shell, I don't feel as strong, I don't feel like I can take the bull by the horns anymore, I have become someone I don't want to be! A year has changed me so much that I don't know me. I found out that I can't handle this alone, I can't be strong all the time, sometimes I just need a hug to move me over the rough spots. That was this week rough. Now I will pick myself up who ever she is and move forward. I won't give up and pray to the Lord to help me because I can't do it alone. Thanks for reading this and sorry it was so long.

Sunday, May 28, 2017

The reason to start my journey here.

       I've changed so many things in the last month. It seems funny to start back here, but this has always been my favorite spot for writing.
 I love morning sitting on the porch, with the morning sun coming up and a cup of coffee by my side. This is where I'll be writing most the time. So please come back and visit as I start this blog up again. Thank you.

Sunday, November 20, 2016

21.30 miles

Kaydy and I rode the bikes (peddle type)lol on the trail Fri. It took us almost 3 hours to do the 21 miles but we had fun and had a lot of pretty things to look at.
The trail had plenty of places to take breaks. Not sure when we will get to go again winter should be coming, but am I to old to ask for a new bike for Christmas? and a big tube of ben-gay? lol this was us when we got back into the truck. I will admit my legs felt like jelly.

Had a very good day, get out and enjoy your life!!!!

Monday, November 14, 2016

Walking the trails

Hubby and I have been walking the trails. He is doing 3 miles with me to help me reach my goal of 20 miles this month. I love the trails but don't feel that safe by myself, so he stepped in.
As you can see no fancy clothes, just plain ole country folk. The walking helps me unwind from work and also helps my blood sugar. I would call that a win win wouldn't you. I really hoping to get a bike for Christmas, lol feel like a little kid wanting a bike..but that's ok too. I like the old fashion kind with a basket and back fender so I can but on a basket there for when I need to take things for a long ride. We will see. This was short but have to head to work, have a wonderful day.

Saturday, November 5, 2016

What a waste but then came hope!

   I have just spent almost 5 months thinking about myself. What a waste of 5 months.I was told of my diabetes and liver disease the spots on my kidneys and I let it swallow me, I handed over my life to it, I thought about it day and night. As my eye drooped more and more and the worry wrinkles showed their ugly head I was even more consumed in its grip. Today I got what I was praying for, Hope to live to see my childrens children grow. How selfish of me, I think I made things w...orse on everyone because of the poor poor me attitude while friends around me were sinking worse then my dreams found me. I'm sorry. I made this board because I wanted to help other people who were facing life challenges, so today please look beyond your sickness; see the good yet to come the bad will happen and we can't change that. I know I'm not healed and I know I still have a journey, that's ok I'm still going to live life! God gave it to me and no one or thing is taking it until God says enough Sherry come home. I'm off today going to walk in the sunshine of my soul ! Your welcome to join.


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